My water

I think my water broke.

James, I'm sorry for mentioning Elvendork in public.

Please write back. Whether or not you want to admit it, I am still your wife. You can do me the courtesy of at least speaking to me after we've been married for so long, even if you don't love me anymore.

I'll be waiting by my journal for a response.

I know you visited James.

Is he any better?

Having extreme pains lower abdomen

can't move come quick-------

Travers Travers Travers. All I hear is what Travers has done to James, and that's not the real him and we're working on getting him back. And all I know is that I'm due to give birth in twenty or so days, and my one of my dearest friends was killed and my husband is threatening to now kill our child and annul our marriage after calling me a stupid bitch for all the world to see.

I'm tired of people taking my journal away, telling me to be calm and relax when my whole world is falling apart in front of me. Just because I'm with a child doesn't mean I'm incapable. I'm not saying people aren't trying to figure everything out. What I am saying is that I want my husband back. I need him back now. And if I have to find Travers myself and make him do so, I will so help me god.

Where is Travers located?

Come back to me, James. You can't leave me to do this alone.

We can't find him. I spent all night looking with Marlene, Remus, Moody, and Beth and...nothing. I don't know where he is, I don't know where he might be. I don't even know if he's alive.

I had a horrible feeling about he and Remus being out alone last night. Why didn't I say anything? Why did I ever let him out of my sight?

I can't sleep. I'm so tired but I can't sleep. Not without knowing James is alive.

I'm fine.

What do you know? Anything? Help me for Merlin's sake! Tell me what you know. He's alive isn't he? He has to be alive.

I'm going to Knockturn again today. Don't you dare try to stop me.

James is gone. What do you know?

Tell me now.

ETA (two minutes later):

WHERE ARE YOU WHEN I NEED YOU? ANSWER ME.

Rufus will make it. His wound is infected, but he's stopped bleeding and is now breathing normally. He's still not woken up yet.

He will be fine. Thank Merlin.

Rufus is at the safehouse. We need all Order Healers here. Alice and I managed to heal him enough to move him, but the stab wound is bad and I need to keep feeding him blood-replenishing potions from our stock.

I don't know if he's going to make it.

Healers, please hurry.

Contact Gairloch before they send out a search party for Rufus.

I hope everyone is safe. No one got hurt?

Gloves should be in the drawer. I forgot to take those out for you.

Anything else you need, I can Disapparate out quickly and get it for you. Please don't be afraid to ask.

Upstairs I will be working on mixtures without bloodrot. Something might come of a base mixture of Probuzini rose and some aconite, mandrake flower, armadillo bile, black cohosh. All else I'll be experimenting with, including the amounts. I thought perhaps to add in 1/4 ounches of chopped mandrake hearts, but we'll see. That might make it too concentrated.

Charm the page to flash if you need help and I will do the same. Keep me updated on how it's turning out.

I can't stop eating.

Today, while reading through the effects of mandrake livers on potion consistencies I ate a WHOLE PEPERONI PIZZA with extra peperoni.

...I don't even LIKE peperoni.

I also had chocolate ice cream with tiny marshmallows, a big turkey sandwich with swiss cheese, some rice and corn, and those tiny little one-bite hot dog things that are really quite good I think there are some left in the box

NO. I need to stop eating so much. I'm already twice the weight I was when I wasn't pregnant and I feel like I'm making ARSE INDENTS in the couch! And James is apparently going to strip clubs and looking at other skinny, non-pregnant, non-emotional women--

Oh just stop it, Lily. You're being so typical.

How was last night? I hope you're feeling better now, Remus.

Would you like to work this weekend?

Seventy-ish more days of waddling, back aches, cramps, eating like a pig and having a built-in human shelf. It's good for towels, but I balanced a spatula on it the other day. And little toy cars are fun to watch ride off of it....it's like a gigantic ramp, you know?

Merlin. Do you ever wonder how our mothers did it?

I am going to crack this Wolfsbane Potion with Damocles if it's the last thing I do. Damocles and I will put our heads together. We didn't graduate as some of the best in Potions to be stumped by this. It's important now more than ever

It's important now more than ever that we figure this out. I'll be working at home as usual. I'm not sure how much help Slughorn will be in this process, but he gave me his personal owling address a long time ago and I will be asking for his assistance.

As for a memorial service for Elsie, I can help. I want to help. I don't do enough as it is because of my state.